Carrie Cox’s Corner

So there’s this story….about a boy….and a girl….( and they were in love, and he bought a ring, and it was gorgeous! And he drove a long way to be with this girl, like two states away, and, well while the ring was in his pocket, she told this boy basically, “It probably won’t work out with us.”

Thus begins the best story about how I almost broke up with my future husband a week before we were officially engaged. Poor Nathan, he must really love me to put up with that. 

So the rest of the story, like Mr. Harvey would say, is that my best friend was getting married and moving away to California, and I was just pretty devastated about how marriage separates you from your family and your friends. I stayed with her about two or three weeks before the wedding. We had wedding showers, and we packed, and we talked, and little by little I realized, man, life is changing majorly now. It was a scary thought.  She didn’t seem too worried or sad about it, but to me, “Mawage was not wat bwings us tegever,” but “mawwage” was what was tearing us apart! Honestly, I think Kelly had already faced that battle. I remember I was with her when her long distance boyfriend said, “I love you” the first time on the phone. I literally heard her say, “um…thank you…” and get real awkward. I may have cried then, because I had this quick premonition that she would marry this guy (he was great really) and that she was moving. It took her a while to say it back, because I think she knew too.

So back to the story….Kelly was getting married. She was moving. She was packing. I was staying, her family was staying, and all of that was sadly terrifying. I had an awesome boyfriend, but thinking about marrying at that time was just too much for me. I convinced myself it wasn’t right.

 Okay…I panicked!

I mean, doesn’t every good Chick Flick have one dramatic part where it looks like the couple obviously in love and obviously meant to be together split, and it seems all is over?

Well this is our version of that scene. Nathan drove up all the way from Texas to Alabama for the wedding with our young friend, Samuel, who was visiting from Germany.  We went to the Rehearsal and on the way back from the Dinner, we were in the Suburban. Samuel was “driving” and Nathan and I were in the back having this major heart to heart conversation. Picture this: it’s pitch black outside, we are in rural Alabama, and Samuel has never driven anywhere besides the Autobahn in Germany, which literally doesn’t have a speed limit! I’m sure driving a full sized Suburban was also a little different than the small European standard cars that he dove there.  Alabama roads are curvy, they barely have a shoulder, and the stop signs creep up on you in the dark. So as we are talking about “us” we are constantly interrupted by having the need to yell, “SLOW DOWN SAMUEL!” or “Get back on the road!” We weren’t just worried about the demise of our relationship, we had to vocally revoke our imminent death on Alabama Route 78 that evening.

So between jerks of the car, the running of stop signs, and yelling frantically at Samuel, I finally got up the courage to tell Nathan what I had been feeling. “Nathan, I’m just not sure about us.”

“You’re not?” he says.

Big inhale. Exhale….“No.”

We go back to Kel’s house. It’s packed with guests.  Tomorrow is the day she is married then going on honeymoon to Australia followed by her life in Cali. Kelly is in her room, and I go in there to help her pack the rest of her things. We are trying to decide what to take and what to leave behind forever, and honestly, we were all having a moment. I of course tell my BFF about my conversation in the car. I don’t feel like we will have much time for it tomorrow. Here’s where it gets good….

After I told her what I said, I distinctly remember her shaking a clothes hanger in my face and saying with all the zeal I’ve ever seen, “Well then you need to go out there and talk to him and figure this out! Right Now. Go. You go talk to him. Now!” 

Man, bossy much? 

I really didn’t think it was the perfect time since I was trying to be there for her and there was a house full of people, but I obeyed. (Hey, that hanger was pretty threatening. Plus, if you’ve ever heard Kelly use her “McGaughey” voice, you’ve probably obeyed her too.) 

Oh man. Little did I know then that Nathan just taken her outside and showed her the actual engagement ring (he knew she would want to see it and wouldn’t have the chance after that for quite a while). 

He asked her, “Do you think she will say yes?” lol. Poor guy. He wasn’t so sure after our car ride from…well, you know where. She had more confidence in me than I had in myself and told him she thought I was ready and would say yes. 

Ha, then she comes in and I tell her I’m not sure. What a trip! I guess she didn’t want to make herself out to be a liar. We did talk a little that night, and Nathan was great. He didn’t pressure me. We didn’t get it all worked out, but it did seem a little better than moments before. He also didn’t panic or overreact with me freaking out.

Freaking out…You know, I’ve discovered that about myself. Even when I know I’m doing the right thing, I still really freak out right before I commit. It may have happened a few times since.

So the next day Kelly gets married. It was beautiful. She was beautiful. The day was beautiful. She was happy. He was happy. But me…sad.

I was heartbroken as they drove away.  I went upstairs and I cried along with her other bridesmaid, Leah. I told her, “I’m never getting married. This is terrible! Marriage just tears people apart. I hate this. I’m not doing it!” 

Yep, those were my words.

Friends, don’t make rash decisions in the midst of your pain. They usually aren’t the most rational. 

I dried my eyes and went back to her empty house. Ugg..more tears. That evening all the guests in town that stayed for the weekend after the wedding went out to the campground. After I finally quit crying it was actually a really fun night. There was ping pong, games, basketball, the lake, lots of good food, and friends from around the country. The pressure was finally off and Nathan was staying until the next day. I finally relaxed. I caught my breath. Weddings are kinda stressful, you know lol. 

That evening I remember sitting by Nathan on this couch in the auditorium of that metal building at the campground. You know, that same metal building is where I used to go to youth camp as a teenager. That metal building has been the place where the Lord has spoken to me several times in the past—where I have made many decisions that shaped the rest of my life. That night wasn’t a camp service, it was just a fun night with friends, but I believe that night was just as important.  We were able to just sit and talk for hours that evening. It was so sweet and refreshing.  There on that old little plaid couch in that same metal building my heart finally and truly realized it wasn’t Nathan that was the problem. It was me.

Oops!

It was just me being sad at losing my best friend. I hadn’t really lost her, but that part of our life had ended. Even though I was 20 years old, I wasn’t quite ready for my childhood to end. I never had a sister, and she’s been the closest thing to one, so it really was a right of passage, sending her off in a marriage.

But that night, with all the pressure gone, it didn’t seem so devastating after all. You know, she did look really happy when she left. I looked over at this handsome man beside me and I realized what an awesome man he was.

Since that freak out right after her wedding, I have never doubted that he was the man for me. That was August 5th 2006, and when has asked me on August 11th, less than one week later, if I would marry him, I said with all my heart “I will!”

And I still would, even these 18 years later. 

I still get butterflies and red cheeks and a big smile when I tell this story. What a brat I was…but I wouldn’t change it. Not even the car ride with Samuel scaring the scared out of us, or the hanger in my face, or the precious feeling I had when I did realize, He is the one.

You know, today I’m thankful for the doubts, for the fears that paved the way for perfect peace that he was the man for me. 

Now I could write for days on how good of a husband he has been since that day (and also a few weeks on how he’s driven me crazy-true story!), but I will end with this: I love this man. 

On this day in November, I’m thankful that my fears did not dictate my decision, and I’m thankful that I decided to say yes to the best.